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If I Fell

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Who'd hold them up?

Sometimes......
I just want to fall to pieces,
In Someone's arms,
It HURTS so much...

But...

I Don't.

Why?

If I fell apart,
Who would hold Them together?
So I weep.

            Alone.

So they won't colapse.



I'll be the strong one, who holds their shivering form.
I'll be the one to say, "It's going to be ok."

They'll see nothing but smiles,
They'll get nothing but comfort.

"Don't worry," I say when they ask,
"What about you?"
I say, "I'll be fine." As my soul screams.
It wrends in a sound undescribable.

I hurt, just like them,
But....

If I fell, Who'd hold them up?

Who'd stop them from falling
        into
                    despair?

_____________________________________________

For those who don't know, I'm grieving over the loss of a well loved family member. She died peacefully, she didn't suffer.
She's gone, and I'm trying my best not to fall to bits on those who I know are hurting more than I am. For me, she was a great grandmother. Someone you don't often grow close too.  For them, the ones I'm trying to support, she was a mother.

If I fell apart on them, I'd probably trigger a whole on slot of tears, and pity. I don't want pity. Pity is from someone who doesn't feel the same hurt over that event. Empathy? You can call it that. I still don't want it. It's the same thing in a different verbal form. I hold together and hold them together too. I know I'm strong enough.

I don't bottle it up either. I know from watching others, that it'll just expload like a shaken coke if I let it sit. 
So what do I do? I wait till times like this, when I'm by my self and nobody but me and my Lord know and can see, and bawl like a poopy baby...just not quite as loud. I don't want to wake them.

Also, vent art seems to make me good at drawing humans again.
Saddly weird.
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Comments2
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girlykitten's avatar
*Hugs you* I know exactly how you feel. I lost my great grandmother, who I was very close to, about 4 years ago. In fact, the anniversary of her death is this week.